3. What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbit's foot?
4. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream
5. Why don't you ever see baby pigeons?
6. Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? 7.
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Answering
Machine: Hi! This is John! Please leave a message and I'll get back to you. Leave a *sexy* message and
I'll get back to you even faster! (submitted by Marc)
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide,
is that considered a hostage situation?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
A guy walked into the bar. Guess what he said?
OUCH! Thank you 'dsf' for this joke.
A boy wrote this home from camp: Dear Mom and Dad, Thi$ i$ what I need! Plea$e
$end $ome $oon! Love, Jimmy His parents wrote back: NOthing much happening here. Hope you're NOt being a
NOughty boy. We miss you. Love, Mom & Dad
Jack: Why are you crying? Jill: Because
the teacher yelled at me for something I didn't do. Jack: What was that? Jill : My homework!
Q: Why are there only 18 letters left
in the alphabet?
A: Because ET flew off in a UFO
and the CIA went after him.
Once there was this family that was
going to Disneyland and they came to a sign that said: Disneyland LEFT and so they went home .
Answering Machine Messages
- 1 (Money)
Hi. This is John: If you are the phone
company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you
didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
Answering Machine Messages #82 (Amnesia)
I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia
and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling
me something about myself. Thanks.
Answering Machine Messages #92 (Just Kidding)
Hello. Hello? Hello! No, it doesn't
look as if I'm in right now. Maybe you should leave a message at the beep or call me back later. BEEP. (Pause three seconds.)
Just kidding, that wasn't really the beep. Are you ready now?
Answering Machine Messages #91 (Hang Up)
Please hang up now if you would want to speak to Johan.
Otherwise, please stay on the line to wait for him.
Answering Machine Messages #95 (Reverse)
This is Jeff, you're not in now, so I'll leave a message.
Sorry, wrong number
One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in Jeff's house.
He picked up the phone and a woman asked, "Is this 555-1111?"
"No, this is 555-1112." Jeff replied.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you." The woman said.
"That's alright," Jeff said. "I had to get
up to answer the phone anyway."
If you happen to find or know anything that is funny, interesting, etc, send it to me and I might paste
it on this page.
